Say Yes to Yourself: Boundaries for Emotional Balance and Autoimmune Support
Boundaries play a gentle yet powerful role in honoring your needs and supporting your healing. For those navigating chronic conditions, protecting your energy—both physical and emotional—can be a transformative step toward balance and well-being. Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls; it’s about saying yes to what truly supports your healing.
One of my favorite ways to define boundaries is: the way you communicate your needs and limits to others, and how you nurture yourself and authenticity in relationships. In this vein, boundaries can be a game-changer for your health.
Boundaries are not just about relationships or time management. They are about saying yes to yourself and your body and creating a life that supports healing from the inside out. Cultivating a trusting, loving relationship with your body is essential, and boundaries play a key role in that process. Think of boundaries as a practice that can help reduce stress, break intergenerational patterns, and create the emotional balance your body craves for deeper healing.
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” ~Prentis Hemphill
Why Boundaries Matter for Autoimmune Healing
Boundaries are about knowing where you end and others begin. They help protect your energy, prioritize your needs, and honor your limits. For women with autoimmune conditions, boundaries are especially important because:
Stress Reduction: Chronic stress can be a major trigger for autoimmune flares. By setting boundaries around your time, energy, and relationships, you reduce unnecessary stress and give your nervous system a chance to reset.
Self-Preservation: When you say yes to everything and everyone, your body may respond with overwhelm. Boundaries act as a filter, ensuring you spend your energy on what truly nourishes you.
Healing Old Patterns: Many women were raised to believe that their worth is tied to being accommodating, self-sacrificing, or always available. These intergenerational beliefs can keep us stuck in cycles of overgiving and neglecting ourselves. Breaking these patterns by setting boundaries is an act of self-liberation and liberation of intergenerational burdens for all. It’s truly okay to water your own garden first.
Photo by Cassidy Phillips via Unplash
"Boundaries Are the Distance at Which I Can Love You and Me Simultaneously"
Prentis Hemphill’s beautiful words remind us that boundaries are not about creating separation but fostering connection – to others and to ourselves. When you set a boundary, you are saying, “I value this relationship enough to make it sustainable for both of us.”
For those living with autoimmune conditions, this perspective can be transformative. Often, we fear that setting boundaries might push people away or make us seem selfish. But true boundaries create space for mutual respect and care. They allow you to show up fully and authentically without depleting yourself in the process.
Here are some ways to practice boundaries rooted in love:
I can honor you while honoring myself: When communicating a boundary, you can honor yourself and the other person. For example: “I need some time to rest, and I want to be fully present with you when we connect.”
Let go of guilt: Remember that loving yourself is not a betrayal of others. Boundaries help you love more deeply because they prevent resentment and burnout.
Focus on sustainability: Relationships thrive when both parties feel seen, respected, and valued. Well-communicated boundaries are how we make this possible.
When you approach boundaries as a form of saying yes to yourself and your body, they become less about restriction and more about creating freedom and balance.
Inner Child Work and Boundary Setting
Struggles with boundaries often begin in childhood. If you grew up feeling responsible for others’ emotions or learned to prioritize others’ needs over your own, these patterns may follow you into adulthood. Inner child work can help.
By connecting with your younger self, you can:
Recognize and challenge old patterns of overgiving.
Reassure your inner child that their needs are valid.
Build self-trust and self-compassion to support boundary-setting.
A simple practice to start: think about how you might respond to a child or beloved pet who is expressing emotions or needs. It's likely you would respond with curiosity, compassion, co-regulation (like a hug or shared activity), and perhaps appropriate boundary setting where needed. Now practice offering this kind of gentle compassion to your inner child when you're feeling shame or upset.
Signs You Might Need Stronger Boundaries
Do you:
Feel exhausted or burned out after spending time with certain people?
Struggle to say no, even when your body is screaming for rest?
Find yourself constantly worrying about others’ feelings or opinions?
Notice a pattern of putting others’ needs ahead of your own, even at the expense of your health?
If you nodded yes to any of these, it may be time to strengthen your boundaries. And remember, boundaries aren’t walls to shut people out – they’re bridges that allow for healthier, more balanced connections. Sometimes boundaries might feel like a loving filter that you can adjust to allow more, or less, in and out to meet your needs.
How to Start Setting Loving, Gentle Boundaries
Remember, not everyone will understand or respond positively to your boundaries, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Setting boundaries is about honoring your needs and creating space for healing, not about seeking approval from others.
Take baby steps: Start small by practicing setting boundaries in low-stakes situations. This helps you build confidence and make boundary-setting feel more natural over time. Practicing with your therapist is a perfect first step. Even just identifying what boundaries might look like for you, and how you might communicate them, are great first steps.
Tune into your body's compass: Your body is wise. Pay attention to how you feel when someone makes a request of you. Do you feel light and expansive, or heavy and tense? Let your body’s signals guide your decisions.
Use compassionate communication: Practice saying no in a kind, clear way. For example: “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m unable to make it today” As Brene Brown says, "Clear is kind, unclear is unkind."
Protect rest and recovery: Schedule non-negotiable time for rest and self-care. Treat these moments as sacred.
Break intergenerational patterns: Reflect on how boundary-setting was modeled in your family. Were you taught to prioritize others at your own expense? By setting boundaries now, you’re not only healing yourself but also creating a new blueprint for future generations. Boundaries are not only a form of self love, but a form of love for others.
Seek support: Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you explore any fears or guilt that arise when setting boundaries. This support is especially valuable if you’ve experienced trauma or people-pleasing has been a lifelong pattern.
Grief and Boundaries: Navigating Disappointment and Loss
I find that inviting grief in is an important part of healthy boundary setting. It’s a tender process, and the sense of loss when others don’t respond well to your needs can flow deeply. It’s painful to realize that some relationships aren’t as supportive or loving as you’d hoped. This grief is natural and deserves care and compassion.
When people push back against your boundaries, it’s okay to feel sadness or guilt. These emotions are not signs of failure but reminders of how much you value connection and care. At the same time, boundaries often reveal which relationships truly nurture and respect you. While this clarity, and sometimes loss, can be hard, it creates space for healthier, more aligned connections. You deserve relationships in which your boundaries are honored and in which others show up for you in ways that feel supportive and caring.
A New Cycle of Healing
Breaking intergenerational cycles of overgiving, self-sacrifice, or neglecting personal needs is no small task, but it’s a deeply healing one. When you choose to set boundaries, you’re rewriting your story and modeling self-respect and self-care for others around you. This ripple effect extends far beyond you, creating a new legacy of emotional balance and health.
As you build this skill, be gentle with yourself. Boundaries take time to strengthen, and it’s okay to stumble along the way. Each step you take is an act of profound self-love, reminding your body and spirit that you are worthy of protection, care, and healing.
You Deserve This
You are worthy of a life that feels balanced, peaceful, and true to you. Healing from an autoimmune condition isn’t just about medical treatments or dietary changes, it’s about embracing practices, like boundary-setting, that honor your whole self.
Your boundaries are a gift to yourself and to those around you. They create the foundation for a life where you can truly thrive.
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